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FROM THE SPOUSELIST HOME
OFFICE
Welcome to the first issue of the SpouseList
Newsletter and thanks for signing up!
I started this resource because I looked for
something like it when trying to cope with my own moves, and couldn't find
it. There was plenty of information about helping the kids settle in but I
didn't have any. There were scores of resources to help me find a job, but
I had immigration complications and couldn't look for a job. I didn't know
how to meet people, or what to do with myself, heck, I didn't even know
where to go to get keys cut. There was just no information for us.
In learning to cope with being a 'Trailing Spouse'
(as the mortgage industry so charmingly terms us) I learned many coping
strategies. Then, as I met more people who had been in the same situation,
I realised that we had all done the same thing, independently.
Well, it was time to start putting some of these
things together in a place that could be easily accessed. With the growth
of the Internet, the time had come for The Relocating Spouse Resource. I hope you find
it useful.
I love to hear from you so please contact me with
your comments and questions, and of course, your own stories and
experiences. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Hang in there!
Julie
EditorSpouse@jdwrite.com
[This issue's feature article,"Welcome To
America", was written not long after I became a trailing spouse for
the second time. Making a move within my new country made me reflect on
all the cultural adjustments I had made when I first arrived. Any expats
on the list, will surely relate ]
Welcome To America
I used to be puzzled by people who migrate to new
countries only to spend their lives in insular, immigrant communities. It
seemed like arrogance or ingratitude. Now however, I think I can offer a
new perspective:
They're just tired.
In my life so far I have relocated five times. I've
been on four coasts in three countries on two continents. My most
momentous move was when I left Scotland for the USA. I now feel qualified
to tell you that trying to be understood in a new culture is exhausting
even when you speak approximately the same language as the locals.
Especially if, like me, you hated to look foolish.
My first few weeks in the States were spent in
Boston, MA. In the beginning an average day would go something like this:
Nearly get killed walking to the store because I keep
looking the wrong way, crossing the road.
Try to get keys cut and realize I don't know where to
go. Find success at Hardware Store. Feel good about new, adventurous self.
Lunch. See no familiar eateries. Join the line at the
busiest sandwich shop around. Sandwich-man yells "bread?" I say,
"Yes!" Sandwich-man rolls eyes, offers fifteen choices of bread
(what on earth is a pumpernickel?). People behind me sigh. Pick one at
random. "Cheese?" "Yes!" Seven more choices. Panicking
now. Ask sandwich-man what he means by "everything on it?".
Shuffling and muttering behind me grows ominous. Can barely concentrate as
he runs through an impossibly long list of options. Opt for 'everything'.
Discover I hate pickles and pumpernickel. Realize 'peppers' doesn't mean
bell-peppers, but fire-breathing demons. Lose feeling in tongue. Give
second half of sandwich to guy begging outside store.
Decide to buy a new CD. Misled into trying "Hits
and Misses" girls'clothing store and several instrument shops before
giving up.
Spend three hours at the grocery store blocking the
aisles as I read the labels of every cleaning fluid. Realize I used to buy
everything by looking at the packaging. Fellow shoppers stare at me
staring at everything. Decide to eat only vegetables - their packaging is
familiar. Steer clear of the weird, bulbous tubers and fruits everyone
else is loading into their carts. (It will be two years before I figure
out what to do with a squash).
Try to buy comfort food but see nothing familiar and
comforting. Ask a passing shopper for advice. Discover Ben and Jerry's Ice
Cream!
Checkout. Start packing own groceries, get weird look
from cashier.
Home. Cook dinner. Try to convert recipe measurements
(in ounces or grams) into the unfamiliar 'cups'. Roommate laughs at my
recipe with its weighed-out ingredients. Give up.
Make sandwich instead. Roommate laughs at me for
automatically buttering the bread. I laugh at her for automatically
putting cheese on everything. She reminds me whose country I'm in. I
apologize.
Try to plan for tomorrow. Discouraged by the thought
that there is no such thing anymore as a simple errand.
Curl up with Ben and Jerry. Feel much better (see?
I'm assimilating!)
Decide to find a fantastic job and hire a
maid/personal shopper.
You see, I was ready to be confused by the money and
politics, but the real challenge lay in the little, everyday things. In
the end, getting bamboozled by politicians just made me normal. Light
switches and keys which turned the wrong way were the things which
triggered hysterical homesickness. It was not being able to order lunch
which made me feel stupid. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be
when your grasp of English is limited. I'm not saying I think immigrant
enclaves are good for the community as a whole, but now I can certainly
understand the attraction.
There was no comforting enclave for me, but hey, at
least I learned to laugh at myself!
copyright 1997, 2001 Julie Duffy
One of the best ways to get a feel for your new area
is to send away for as much literature as you can, before you go. If you
have the new locality’s Yellow Pages, it becomes much easier to arrange
for the services you will require when you arrive. Reading your new
town’s Sunday paper for a couple of months will help you feel like less
of a stranger when you arrive. More ideas, and instructions on how to get
these resources, appear in this issue's column.
Find out more by reading the rest of this
FREE
article
This issue's 'New Relocatee' focuses on your new role
and how to cope with being the family support system
Suddenly You're The Wife Even If You're The Husband!
So, you've taken on this role of Accompanying Spouse, Trailing Spouse,
Relocating Spouse, whatever you want to call it. You have moved because of
your partner's career. If you are not working right away, the burden of
creating a new home and a new life are going to fall on you. You are the
homemaker; you are the 'wife' (even if you are actually the husband)
It can
be overwhelming. But guess what?
You can do it.
Find out more by reading the rest of this
FREE
article
Veteran trailing spouse, and native New Yorker,
Stephanie Gerstein shares her tips on surviving the first few days in a
new place:
"I always tried to hang pictures as soon as I
could. Just to make my house feel like it was actually lived in (albeit
with lots of boxes)."
Stephanie also recommended grabbing a
cross-referenced street map of your new town and driving around as much as
possible, learning the lay of the land.
She added, "The other thing I always needed in
the first week was a new library card. (I'm a huge user and believer in
the library) And the library always indicated something about the
community, as well as being a fabulous resource."
Couldn’t agree more. Not only do libraries offer
access to a huge variety of resources, but the bulletin boards are a
treasure trove of information about your town, volunteer opportunities,
local businesses, support services and upcoming events.
Thanks for the tips, Stephanie!
If you have any tips to share, send them to
SpouseTalk: EditorSpouse@jdwrite.com.
Homestore.com merger creates largest online U.S.
realtor
Online realtor Homestore.com purchases home.com from
Cedant, the parent company of US Relocation companies Century 21, Coldwell
Banker and ERA realtors and the Days Inn and Howard Johnson hotel chain
read more
Unions seek protection from forced relocation in
United merger
Executives of UAL Corp.'s United Air Lines met with
union leaders who are seeking protection from layoffs or forced relocation
for nearly 60,000 employees of United and US Airways if the carriers'
merger is approved
read
more
Endowment Mortgages Under Threat In the UK
Britain's largest estate agent will announce later
this week that it will stop selling endowment mortgages.
read
more
Australian
Business Groups Welcome Rate Cut
Business groups have welcomed the 0.25 per cent point
cut in official interest rates, but have called on the Reserve Bank to go
further.
read
more
Relocation Central
A mine of information about life in all parts of the
USA: cost of living comparisons, things to do in your new region, tools
and tips for moving, relocation services. There are searchable directories
and you can even register for discount coupons from the service providers.
Expat Exchange
Comprised of over 140 country and topic networks that
can be accessed for FREE, the community has supported over 400,000 expats
through all phases of the expatriation and repatriation process.
Location Guides
Relocation publications for US cities.
If you have a question for The Relocating Spouse
Resource, email EditorSpouse@jdwrite.com
and I'll find an answer or an expert resource for you. No question is too
strange (now there's a challenge!).
The Relocating Spouse Resource Newsletter is a FREE
resource. Please feel free to forward it to friends, discussion lists and
your spouse's company relocation specialist! Please forward the ENTIRE
newsletter, without any changes. The Relocating Spouse Resource Newsletter
is published monthly by Julie Duffy EditorSpouse@jdwrite.com
PO
Box 7142
Audubon PA 19407
USA
All
content copyright 2001 Julie Duffy.
For permission to reprint articles, contact the
editor at EditorSpouse@jdwrite.com.
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